Four Surprising Benefits of Conflict
Living in a sinful fallen world means conflict is inevitable. Even mature Christians can experience disagreement as displayed in the lives of Paul and Barnabas. Different personalities, immaturity, sinful behaviors, and fleshly responses can all cause us to experience difficulties in relationships. However, God uses these opportunities to change us and mold us into His image. Surprisingly, we can experience several benefits during times of conflict.
Provides an opportunity for growth
How do I need to change?
Before we can effectively approach another person about a problem, we must first remove the beam in our own eye. We must examine our own hearts, motives, and actions. Is there anything I have done that displeases God?
Matthew 7:2-5, “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”
Perhaps you have been on the receiving end of criticism. No one enjoys being in this position. Sometimes, a critic speaks in love with good intentions and sometimes not (Eph. 4:15). Regardless of the motivation, it often reveals the blind spots in our lives. A blind spot is a problem area in our life which may be glaring to those around us, while we remain oblivious.
Generally, even if someone has the worst of intentions when they are criticizing us, they will reveal some element of truth. We should carefully consider the truth of their criticism and acknowledge any fault of our own. But then, we must choose to forgive any injustices on their part and move on.
Provides an opportunity for God to work all things for good in my life as I trust that He is in control
Romans 8:28, “Ane we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
How can I trust Him through this situation?
Conflict teaches us the need to depend upon God in an even greater way.
Sometimes it is not within our power to resolve a conflict. Maybe you’ve been divorced, or a person has passed away. We must learn to yield these situations to God. Resolving situations out of our control may not happen this side of heaven. We have to accept the grace of God in these situations.
Perhaps you’ve tried to resolve a conflict, but the person has refused to grant forgiveness. We have to release this person to God and allow Him to work in their heart. We can and should continue to pray for resolution, but ultimately, we must leave it in the hands of God. It is important that while we may pray for these situations, and work to improve them, we must not allow our lives to revolve around them. We cannot change another person; we can only change ourselves.
God can and will bring good out of these situations even when we cannot see His hand working. If we are a child of God and seeking to live in His will, He will work all things for good in our lives. We have to believe His promise even when we cannot see the results we want. Some things, we will not understand this side of heaven.
Romans 12: 17-19, “Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”
Provides an opportunity to glorify God through this situation
Are my reactions pleasing to Him?
Walking in the spirit always proves more difficult when involving conflict. This gives us a chance to strengthen our character. Those around us are watching how we handle the conflicts we encounter. Perhaps, you work a secular job. How you react to conflict can be a testimony for the Lord in your workplace. Seeing something different in your life may give you an opportunity to witness to a colleague.
Romans 12:20-21, “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Matthew 5:43-44, “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;”
Matthew 5:16, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”
Provides an opportunity to extend grace
When others wrong me, it gives me an opportunity to extend grace to them in the same way that God has graciously extended His loving grace to me. When we fail to extend grace and forgiveness, we become like the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21-35. Just like the servant in the story, we possess an insurmountable debt that can never be repaid. The offenses that others commit towards us are miniscule compared to what we owe the Lord.
Matthew 18:21-22, “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”
Granting forgiveness does not release a person from the natural consequences of their actions. Illegal actions require the execution of justice. However, we do need to extend grace and forgiveness for our own personal benefit.
An amazing story of grace and forgiveness is found in the life of Corrie Ten Boom. Corrie was imprisoned in a German internment camp during World War II. After the War, she had the opportunity to meet one of the guards who had grossly abused her during her imprisonment.
She writes in The Hiding Place:
It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, a former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there – the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s pain-blanched face.
He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. ‘How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein.’ He said. ‘To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!’ His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.
Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I prayed, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.
As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.”
Loving one’s enemies marks a mature Christian. Jesus said in Matthew 5:46-48,
For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
Conclusion
Experiencing conflict is not pleasant but at times it is unavoidable or necessary. Properly responding to conflict gives us an opportunity to glorify the Lord in greater ways and to mature as believers.
Praying that you are able to use these difficult situations as you trust God to work in your life through them!
Disclaimer:
If you find yourself in a conflict that becomes abusive, please seek out help from a qualified Christian counselor or law-enforcement authority. The intent of this series is to encourage you in everyday “normal” conflicts that we all experience, not abusive situations that require a qualified counselor.